I'd just like to thank.......

...... the NHS.
I had to go for a routine breast screen...... getting your tits out for the nurses is where it's at when your old. Fortunately I have spent very little time in any hospital but when I do I am always blown away by the people who work there. All of them. But, as someone who is so squeamish putting a band aid on a child's scraped knee has me practically passing out, I think nurses are astonishingly brilliant. How they get up everyday and go and do that often thankless job, taking care of us, I do not know. Thank God for all of us they do. The nurse was efficiently caring, giving clear instructions and constant reassurance that it would all be over very soon. Any woman who has been through it knows it's not pleasant but it is quick. How utterly brilliant that we are offered this service, without even asking. How utterly brilliant that these nurses are there to help us. Yes, hospitals can kill you but most of the time they are looking after us really, really well. My appointment was over in minutes, I thanked her and with a smile she was gone through the door and on to the next one.

And a big thanks also goes to Patti Smith. Regular readers will know that 'fan' hardly covers my love for the woman, I practically need a restraining order. Billed as an evening of words and music at the Cadogan Hall in Chelsea, it was, by any standards, a blinding gig. Such is the age of her fan-base that even I feel young, always a bonus, but it didn't stop a grey wave surging the stage as we stood and danced, arms aloft, screaming out G. L. O. R. I. Aaaaaaa Glooooooooria!!

Top tip: when suffering from a touch of sciatica, dance wildly with your arms stretched in the air for a while..... works wonders!!

We need to talk about .....Jane

Jane Birkin that is. Now 66, she took the stage by storm at the Cadogan Hall last night, a fab venue incidentally, and sang Serge. Again. This time with a Japanese band of four: piano, violin, trumpet and drums, that she'd picked up a couple of years ago while doing a concert there in aid of the tsunami. And it worked a treat. Jane looked fabulous, hands deep in the pockets of her men's black trousers, a simple white shirt unbuttoned low, sleeves rolled up for the job in hand, a tousled bob and red lipstick ....tres chic. And as luck would have it, I got to get up close and personal after the show and I can report that pillowy pout is all her own, Jane is devoid of Botox and fillers and far more beautiful for it.

To say that Gainsbourg is a god in France is an understatement. According to Jane he is now considered the greatest poet living, dead, or ever likely to be born. And so this tour was to  commemorate ...... the 20 years since Serge's death ..... any excuse it would seem. Some of his songs do rather effuse the boombangabang ever popular in foreign pop, with some interesting lyrics, but Jane brings a certain je ne sais quoi to the ditties, most of which come in around two and half minutes. If you get the chance go see her and have an excellent evening. As Serge might have said, SHEBAM ! POW ! BLOP ! WIZZ !

Top tip: we should all move to Paris where women of a certain age seem to be more appreciated.... if it's good enough for Birkin, Rampling and Faithfull.....