Thursday, 13 August 2015

Reality bites.........

"I really hope this is being recorder," I screamed, spittle flecking in the phone, "because you need training."

To be fair this was my ...... ooh .... umpteenth call regarding the ongoing plight of my broadband and we hadn't even embarked on what would end as TVgate. I had, Dear Reader, decided to change my provider and yes I can hear the collective sigh and sucking of teeth of those who are wiser than I.

"Seamless?" I screeched, "Seamless..... I have an email and a text telling me I'm 'live' and you're telling me it has a 'hold' put on it but no one knows why? WHY?"

Of course I shall never do anything as rash and stupid again.

Finally, it was sorted and my harridan squawks paid off with months of free bills and financial remuneration (with great age comes ...... great complaining). Now all I have to do is master the remote control.......

"Root Canal!" I gasped, my throat constricting around the words, "Is it cos I am old?"
My wonderful dentist (an Iranian Robert Downey Jnr type....) peered over his mask, batted his long lashes and assured me it wasn't.

"How much?"
I still can't get my head around how much treatment costs despite being on the NHS.
"But it doesn't even hurt." I whispered.
He then issued me with instructions to get it sorted immediately despite my pleas.

"Cost my twice that," said my mate Dave, "and I'd have paid five times that to stop the pain, you're lucky, do it now."

And so, I have saved myself £18 a month by going through the hell of changing my provider but I haven't quite worked how many years it will take for these savings to pay my dentist. Someone up there is mocking me.

Top tip: Modern Family is quite possibly the best comedy show in the world and now I can watch it all day everyday!!

Monday, 3 August 2015

Surreality bites........

Farley Farm, home to Lee Miller and the surrealists.......
For those unfamiliar with Ms. Miller, she was, amongst other things, Man Ray's muse, a top model, a photographer and Vogue's war correspondent. But the whole story is even bigger, I shan't spoil it for you just go visit the intoxicating house and beautiful garden.....

....full of all sorts of interesting things......

... because she married Roland Penrose, the English surrealist painter and poet, and so all sorts of fabulous artists would come and hangout round their kitchen table and eat green chicken and blue mash and talk art.....utterly surreal.

Top tip: oh to be in England...... when the sun shines.

Monday, 1 June 2015

Getting seedy.....

I need to share...... Lindt Excellence dark chocolate with roasted sesame seeds......

obviously not the actual bar, that would be madness .... or impossible.... because it is just so delicious. And good for you. Forget a touch of sea last year..... it's all about the seeds now. Sesame seeds are a good source of  B complex vitamins as well as calcium, magnesium, iron and zinc and well, we all know how good dark chocolate is for us. This is just an antioxidant waiting to happen.

Top tip: substitute pudding with a few squares of dark chocolate as a healthy dietary aid!!

Friday, 15 May 2015

Mindfull....... to over flowing...

'Twas in another life time, when I lived in New York, I would go over to 3rd Avenue to the Kiehl's store where they wore white lab coats and there was a motorbike in the shop and always a line outside. They had a no advertising policy, used brown paper bags and dolled out free samples on request regardless of whether you bought anything or not. Which was very clever because although the freebies were the perfect travel size you invariably did buy something big. And it was such gorgeous product you then told everyone you knew to go there too.

Now bought out by L'Oreal, there seems to be one on every other corner, including mine. It's not the same as it used to be but I do still like their products and they do still have samples, although you have to jump through a few hoops to get them. Anyways, having exhausted several samples.... from various stores... of their BB Cream, and having garnered many compliments of the 'don't you look dewy and fabulous' kind, I finally bought a tube. 

Then I lost it. But I knew it was in my bathroom because I'd used it that morning and discussed it's fabulously dewy affects with a friend I'd met for coffee. So it was in my home. Definitely. But where? With menopausal madness firmly in place , frankly it could be anywhere. I stared at the various tubes and jars in the cabinet where I knew I'd put it. Nothing. I took them all out and put them all back, just in case. Nothing. It's a very small bathroom so I searched it quite quickly. Nothing. The rest of the abode is not much bigger so it didn't take long to search that too. I checked the fridge of course, the freezer naturally, the plates and bowls cupboard, I even went behind the pots of spices and herbs. Absolutely nothing. No one had been in my home since I'd bought it except the son. Surely not, I thought. However, it was nowhere to be found, had I imagined I'd bought it? Had I been robbed by a niche-burglar? I really thought I was loosing my mind, as I emptied the kitchen trash. But I had bought it, it had to be somewhere, where could I possibly have put it? Unless I had gone mad. And then there it was, amongst the lemon peel and tea bags and egg shells. Somehow, I must have knocked it out of the bathroom cabinet and into the bathroom bin which I then emptied into the kitchen trash. The sense of joy and relief at finding my new purchase, along with my mind, caused much excitement and delirium.

Top tip: treat yourself to Kiehl's BB cream for super summer skin......

Friday, 17 April 2015

It starts.....

What weather..... the sun is shining.....
and everything feels a whole lot better. First glass of rose, outside in the warm early evening........ I do hope the summer is going to be sunny.

In other news, I went to a life drawing class for the first time in ooh...... 30 years....... at the suggestion of a friend. When I mentioned this fact to the teacher he was quite surprised...... then I realised he wasn't born the last time I had the charcoal out. I enjoyed it so much am going back next week..... channelling my inner Gustav Klimt. Oddly enough, when I had to do for A level and at Art college I hated it.

Top tip: do something you haven't done for awhile.