Saturday, 9 July 2011


Why does stuff happen? Does it all matter? Does any of it matter?

My son left a bottle of champagne on the kitchen table. The champagne was his. He was in the shower. I put the the bottle back in the fridge where it's been for....ages. He got himself ready, grabbed his keys and left the house.
"Did you put my champagne back in the fridge?" he asked when he called an hour later.
"Yes," I said.
"I put it on the table so I wouldn't forget it." He said. "Now I've forgotten it."
"Oh," I said. "Sorry, shall I bring it over?"

He and a friend found a few leftover bottles when they were loading out kit after some big match at Wembley; an occasional perk from an occasional job working long hours for very little money through the why not? He had been wondering when to open it and the last night of the show he'd been doing the sound on seemed as good a time as any. It was only half an hours brisk walk through the leafy north London streets. The clouds had parted and the sun was simmering in the blue; a warm if not quite balmy evening. I had planned to do nothing on this particular Saturday: no socialising, no alcohol, no food, just catch up with Nurse Jackie, The Kennedys and Mildred Pierce, all backed up after my week in France. So, I set off and as I walked I wondered why this random event had to happen.

My son was standing out on the balcony, smoking a cigarette and chatting with an attractive young women who apparently was doing the lights. I handed over the bottle and turned to go walking straight into Sean Bean, hunky-northern-ne'er-do-well-actor.
" 'Scuse me love," he beamed........shorter than I'd have imagined. Odd, I thought, maybe that was why.

As I walked back I stopped to by some anchovies.....delicious and highly nutritious.....and they had an offer on ...... of my most favourite drinks, poured over ice, delicious if perhaps not so nutritious. Maybe that was why I'd made this un-scheduled trip out, I mused.

After the anchovies and several tumblers of the Ameretto, the ice-clinking seductively in the glass, I watched yet another movie, staying up hours and hours later than I'd planned for my low-key evening. But I was enjoying myself, I thought maybe that was why I'd had to go out unexpectedly? Then I got a text from an alcoholic poet I recently met: the teeth are false, the scars are real and he makes Fat Boy, the most recent-ex, look like a boy scout....however, he does laugh like a pirate and who doesn't love a pirate?

Great, I thought, I'm still up, I can text back........perhaps that was why my plans for the evening had changed. And so I engaged in some late night missives. I'm leaving my phone off today.......and why doesn't matter.

Top tip: never drink and text.


  1. Hello:
    Yes, drunk in charge of a mobile phone is perhaps a dangerous position to be in. And, just what now is the result, we wonder, of your late night activities. So many questions and so few tantalising this all is. Still, as our mothers would have will all come out in the wash!

  2. One thing will lead to another, won't it? Sounds like my life. Only I don't text. Probably all for the best.

  3. And who says life gets boring as we age?:)

  4. Sounds like my life. Totally unplanned random events stringing along to the sound of clinking glasses.
    Great post.

  5. Or leave comments on blogs either like I once did!! Great post. PS I went off Sean Bean when he left Aveline his wife (or whatever she was called in real life) We used to see her and her pals around Sheffield at the time - obviously trying to get over him as you

  6. What a tale, I wanted this post to continue for much longer. A man who laughs like a pirate sounds irresistable. x

  7. Anchovies and amaretto sound good.

    You are funny! We must have a catch up. I keep meaning to call you! Hope you're good, love, C xx

  8. If you must drink and text, I imagine the an alcoholic poet is the absolutely perfect choice!

    Things always happen for a reason!

  9. Gives a whole new meaning to AA, doesn't it? He he!

  10. Great your blog and your humour :)
    I'm now following you...please pop by my blog if you have time...

  11. Note to self: add 'D & T' to the 'Never D & D' rule. (Drink and Dial that is - just in case you're blinking.) Ooh - texts are still there in the morning!! Bad. Never D & C tho'!!! Even worse - comments are not only still there in the morning but PUBLIC!!!! Oh I'm learning so much here.....

    Still.... I love the sound of laughs like a pirate.... but... would still run like buggery from the alcoholic side!! Block your ears or tie yourself to the mast woman!!!! SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!!

  12. Drinking and texting: The work of the Devil.

    Anchovies and Amaretto: Ughh. Anchovies and Guiness, yes.
    Amaretto and almond biscuits, yes.
    But anchovies and amaretto go together like William and Kate; nauseating.

  13. Brilliant, so good to read a real random post and not just to swap our 'makes' Wonder when it will be safe to turn the phone on again!!

  14. Great writing and fascinating stories you tell, Young at Heart. I'm pleased to meet you here.