Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Horrible Bosses

'I'm leaving,' I wanted to say, 'because I can't work with a middle aged,

misogynistic office boy, stuck in the vernacular of a bad 1970s sitcom.'

Or...to point and sing loudly from across the room:

'You're a dick and you know you are....'

Or....just shout:

'Fuck off you cunt.....'

Or.....turn away and quietly say:

'Manners cost nothing....and maketh man.'

Or....stand in front of him and everyone else, look him in the eye and say:

'How dare you wave your finger at me and say 'later'. Later? I'm working

my arse off to sort out a mess that should never have happened if you'd

given me this information 6 months ago. And you can't answer one

question. I'm trying to save your skin here. You're not my boss. I don't

even know what it is you do. No one knows what it is you do. What

exactly is it Richard does, we ask each other. You're the office joke you

paunching, balding, sad-sack of a man.'

But I didn't. I went for a walk. I

walked around John Lewis seeking solace. I went into the basement and

bought Soba noodles and coconut creme and Cannellini beans even

though I didn't need them. And a bar of dark, dark chocolate covered

marzipan even though I wasn't hungry. I didn't smoke a cigarette. I did call

friends on my mobile phone and say all the things I hadn't actually said to

Richard-the-fuckwit. And I felt really, really pissed off. And I wanted to

quit the job and cause a huge problem at a very tricky time for which he

would be blamed. So he would lose his job because I already know he's a

bit of a dead man walking. And I know he knows he is. And for a man in

his 40s with a young family, who was made redundant last year, this is a

chance he can't afford to fuck up. And he already has. So I went back to

work and he said he was ready to answer my question. And I looked at the

paunching, balding, sad-sack of a man and I felt sorry for him. Because his

wife gives him pitta bread and humus for lunch. Every single day. And this is his


I think I need to work somewhere else. Suggestions on a postcard please…..

Will work for money.

Top tip: as the Buddha would say, ‘you will not be punished for your anger,

You will be punished by your anger…..’


  1. Hello:
    A new job? Definitely as this is not working for you or him. What job? One where you are your own boss?!!!

  2. This IS his sad sad life. And he takes his limited, sad view of the world out on you. Sometimes, the most painful people to work for are the ones we feel the most sorry for.

    Follow you bliss!

  3. And when you find that job, see if theres a place for me, cos I need to leave mine too for much the same reasons except there are many of these bosses and I seem to have 6 of them! xxx

  4. Oh you pooor love but you gotta feel sorry for him dont ya?Bet he isnt living his dream life either,Hope you find that thing that will get you out of there soon xx

  5. Ouch, that's gotta hurt. But you did the right thing. And I need to remember what the Buddha said.

  6. We've all had these moments. Generally the answer appears in the morning. I do hope that's what happens for you.

  7. Save the speech--it sounds like you may have opportunity to use it again in the future, when you aren't feeling sorry for him.

  8. Do you have a way of making HiS boss aware of the problem without being seen to tell tales?
    Can you turn the tables on him?
    You did right by just walking away, it is too easy to get involved in a slanging match.
    I think your final thoughts were good - feel sorry for him and maybe let him know you feel sorry for him!!

    Good luck

  9. I think we've all been there and it takes a cool head not to snap. You're the better person adn hopefully you'll find something way more worthy of your intelligence. x

  10. Yes, let him punish himself. They usually do in the end.

  11. Fuck him and the job. Come and spend some time in Seattle.

  12. What a dick ...... he is obviously in an unhappy place. You see this all the time in the workplace don't you ?
    Hope that, if you decide to leave, you can find a job with a much happier environment to work in. I'm sure that there are some out there !!
    Keep smiling. XXXX

  13. Oooh we've all been there sadly. Looks like karma is already biting at his saggy sorry @ss. Well don't for not loosing it - you can feel smug & holier than now!! Good luck with finding the kind of job you love & people that appreciate how wonderful you are xx

  14. For some reason you had disappeared from my blog list .. I have found you again now .. xx

  15. I really liked this. I have a situation with a person who drives me farking DAFT, but I too fail to say all the things that boil up inside me like a human electric kettle and I too go out for walks and try to calm down. I have some Evil Twins who help me out by providing an ear for me to scream into when the stress gets too much. And then I feel sorry for this person too. Because she probably doesn't mean any harm at all and my anger, as your buddha quote so delightfully says, punishes me for being so intolerant, But enough about me. You - get a farking new job where you are appreciated! Ali xxxx

  16. I think you should stand on his desk, piss all over it while you tell that delapidated ball sac exactly what a POS he is. That's what I would do. Maybe that is why I don't have a job. Hmmm... I wonder if it would work with getting my kids to clean their rooms?

  17. You could be stateswomanlike, and kindly ask him to repeat anything he ever says a bit more clearly. And also get a better job, that leaves him in your wake.

    Thank you for making me aware of Lindt excellence dark chocolate with sea salt - I don't know how the existence of such a wonderful product could have passed me by.

  18. I love the thought of pointing across the room and singing "You're a dick and you know you are"..............

    or of course "I hope your shirt/hair gets better.............."