Friday, 20 January 2012

Rock of ages......

I read with interest that Bryan Ferry, 66, the rock god with the matinee idol good looks and Roxy Music’s frontman, has married for the second time. Shame, I'd pencilled him in as a possible. Anyway, it turns out that this time around Bryan has married a woman he was apparently introduced to by one of his sons, Amanda Sheppard, 29. About the age gap he has said:
“You never meet people your own age who aren’t married. Unless they are divorcees knocking about, that sort of thing.”
What does that mean? Is he himself not a divorcee?

I went out with a divorcee the other day, H, 56, he was knocking about on the internet. Like most things from the virtual world of the webb, the picture of H hid more than it revealed. About 10lbs more. The evening we met was particularly cold and he wore a large puffy jacket. H is a director and I recognized the coat as the sort of thing one wears on location, or up the Eiger. Usually these warm but heinous garments are black. This one was cream so H resembled a sort of grubby Michelin Man.

“Any good with zips?” he asked.

He had got himself trapped in his anorak.

“Oh good he said,” when he was finally released, “we’ve got 15 minutes, can I get a chocolate malt?”

I was so completely taken aback by this request I just nodded.

“Great, do you want one?”

I didn’t. We walked around the corner to Ed’s Diner to get one for him. He chatted 19 to the dozen, that's OK I thought, nerves?
"Are you sure you don't want one?" he asked.
I still didn't. I wanted a vodka and tonic. Then he ordered two chocolate malts. Oh, I thought he has bought me one, that is kind of sweet. But no. They were actually both for him. He then asked me if I’d liked the movie, 'Sideways'.

“I loved it."
I replied, "It’s one of my favourite.”

H hated it. How can you hate ‘Sideways’? I kind of knew he would hate the movie I’d chosen for us to see, ‘The Artist’. He did.

I wonder how long my date would last if I rock up, over weight, clutching two milkshakes? Age seems to bring with it a gross imbalance of effort between the sexes. Maybe I should try Bryan Ferry’s approach…...

And here is a picture of Howath in West Yorkshire, the closest place I could find amongst my snaps to Hockney country.

Top tip: do what ever it takes to get yourself down to the Royal Academy of Art to see David Hockney: A Bigger Picture.......... there are no words, un-missable........ if it doesn't raise your spirits you have no spirits. It's because of him I went to art college and set my life on it's course.....


  1. love Hockney, love Howarth.. loved the your story..:)

  2. For curiosity's sake, how many years younger have you dated in a guy?

  3. Two chocolate shakes, hahahahahahahahaha. Oh dear, as my mother would say.

  4. Two shakes? Greedy bastard.

    Ref Bryan Ferry, I just spotted this on the web. Lucky bugger. Mind you, his beer gut is almost as big as mine. There is hope yet.


  5. Yere go on be a cougar see what happens lol

  6. Thought Bryan Ferry looked good in his wedding photos, but would you want to go out with a 29-year-old?

    I've seen some of Hockney's Yorkshire paintings, they're fab.

  7. I'm more concerned why a 29 year old would want to marry a guy in his fifties.
    Must admit I don't fancy "The Artist" but I do fancy that new George Clooney film!
    Funny post xx

  8. What a horror of a first date, I have a friend who finished with her first date as he ordered a mixed grill!

    I just got tickets today to see Hockney on 17th Feb, so excited.

  9. I read somewhere that Bryan Ferry is really tight with his money. So maybe just the one milkshake for him? Jake Gyllenghall (sp?) is still free though.

  10. I thought it was kind of adorable that he was trapped in his anorak, but then the two chocolate milk shakes killed his adorableness.

  11. I was worried for you when his first question was 'any good with zips'..
    Very funny post,reminded me of a work colleague(a man)who tried a dating agency and arranged to meet women at a bus station so that he could size them up and drive off unnoticed if he didn't like the look of them.
    My tip:Never arrange to meet a date at a bus station.

  12. Ah, so a "chocolate malt" is a milkshake? I thought it was a whisky :)

    Oh dear, what a mess. I don't care how cold it is, you don't wear huge puffa jackets on a first date. Neither do you slag off your beau's choice in film / food / whatever.

    Never mind, that lovely haircut appears to be reeling them in lately!

  13. Sniggering at Northern Snippet's comments.........

  14. I thought I'd left a message - but can't see it. You don't want to be hankering after old men of 66 - You'll only end up looking after them!Howarth is indeed very lovely. xxxx

  15. Sounds to me like he's used to dating 20 something's!....doesn't know how to be a gentleman, or act his age! What's wrong men?

  16. Ha ha - I love your blogs!!!! Keep on writing -you make me smile!

  17. First date....Starbucks that way you can ditch them after one coffee if it's an obvious disaster:) if not there's always the cinema or more coffee:) your post did make me laugh though...xox

  18. he is 66 she is 29... I'm 49 therefore... I'm not even going there that is so wrong! :-)

    Glad I'm still happily married - well so my wife keeps telling me :-)

  19. Wot an anorak!

    Funny, I think I'd loathe The Artist too.

    Fably funny.