Rock of ages......

I read with interest that Bryan Ferry, 66, the rock god with the matinee idol good looks and Roxy Music’s frontman, has married for the second time. Shame, I'd pencilled him in as a possible. Anyway, it turns out that this time around Bryan has married a woman he was apparently introduced to by one of his sons, Amanda Sheppard, 29. About the age gap he has said:

“You never meet people your own age who aren’t married. Unless they are divorcees knocking about, that sort of thing.”

What does that mean? Is he himself not a divorcee?

I went out with a divorcee the other day, H, 56, he was knocking about on the internet. Like most things from the virtual world of the webb, the picture of H hid more than it revealed. About 10lbs more. The evening we met was particularly cold and he wore a large puffy jacket. H is a director and I recognized the coat as the sort of thing one wears on location, or up the Eiger. Usually these warm but heinous garments are black. This one was cream so H resembled a sort of grubby Michelin Man.

“Any good with zips?” he asked.

He had got himself trapped in his anorak.

“Oh good he said,” when he was finally released, “we’ve got 15 minutes, can I get a chocolate malt?”

I was so completely taken aback by this request I just nodded.

“Great, do you want one?”

I didn’t. We walked around the corner to Ed’s Diner to get one for him. He chatted 19 to the dozen, that's OK I thought, nerves?

"Are you sure you don't want one?" he asked.

I still didn't. I wanted a vodka and tonic. Then he ordered two chocolate malts. Oh, I thought he has bought me one, that is kind of sweet. But no. They were actually both for him. He then asked me if I’d liked the movie, 'Sideways'.

“I loved it." I replied, "It’s one of my favourite.”

H hated it. How can you hate ‘Sideways’? I kind of knew he would hate the movie I’d chosen for us to see, ‘The Artist’. He did.

I wonder how long my date would last if I rock up, over weight, clutching two milkshakes? Age seems to bring with it a gross imbalance of effort between the sexes. Maybe I should try Bryan Ferry’s approach…...

And here is a picture of Howath in West Yorkshire, the closest place I could find amongst my snaps to Hockney country.

Top tip: do what ever it takes to get yourself down to the Royal Academy of Art to see David Hockney: A Bigger Picture.......... there are no words, un-missable........ if it doesn't raise your spirits you have no spirits. It's because of him I went to art college and set my life on it's course.....