Thursday, 13 August 2015

Reality bites.........

"I really hope this is being recorder," I screamed, spittle flecking in the phone, "because you need training."

To be fair this was my ...... ooh .... umpteenth call regarding the ongoing plight of my broadband and we hadn't even embarked on what would end as TVgate. I had, Dear Reader, decided to change my provider and yes I can hear the collective sigh and sucking of teeth of those who are wiser than I.

"Seamless?" I screeched, "Seamless..... I have an email and a text telling me I'm 'live' and you're telling me it has a 'hold' put on it but no one knows why? WHY?"

Of course I shall never do anything as rash and stupid again.

Finally, it was sorted and my harridan squawks paid off with months of free bills and financial remuneration (with great age comes ...... great complaining). Now all I have to do is master the remote control.......

"Root Canal!" I gasped, my throat constricting around the words, "Is it cos I am old?"
My wonderful dentist (an Iranian Robert Downey Jnr type....) peered over his mask, batted his long lashes and assured me it wasn't.

"How much?"
I still can't get my head around how much treatment costs despite being on the NHS.
"But it doesn't even hurt." I whispered.
He then issued me with instructions to get it sorted immediately despite my pleas.

"Cost my twice that," said my mate Dave, "and I'd have paid five times that to stop the pain, you're lucky, do it now."

And so, I have saved myself £18 a month by going through the hell of changing my provider but I haven't quite worked how many years it will take for these savings to pay my dentist. Someone up there is mocking me.

Top tip: Modern Family is quite possibly the best comedy show in the world and now I can watch it all day everyday!!

Monday, 3 August 2015

Surreality bites........

Farley Farm, home to Lee Miller and the surrealists.......
For those unfamiliar with Ms. Miller, she was, amongst other things, Man Ray's muse, a top model, a photographer and Vogue's war correspondent. But the whole story is even bigger, I shan't spoil it for you just go visit the intoxicating house and beautiful garden.....

....full of all sorts of interesting things......

... because she married Roland Penrose, the English surrealist painter and poet, and so all sorts of fabulous artists would come and hangout round their kitchen table and eat green chicken and blue mash and talk art.....utterly surreal.

Top tip: oh to be in England...... when the sun shines.